Exhaustion
by pixelatrix
Summary: Shepard is called back to Earth to face the music and finds a surprising connection with one of the few who still believe in her. Potential spoilers for ME3. Rated M for language and potential other things in later chapters. *On Hiatus*
1. Chapter 1

******I own nothing. Bioware owns all. Bastards.**

******Ever since playing the very first game, I have had this odd obsession with Admiral Hackett. This story has been eating away at my brain for a long time. It might not appeal to the masses, but thought I would share it anyway. Enjoy. Be kind, rewind..or review rather. **

Chapter One

Shepard was tired. She was bone tired as her father used to say after a hard days work on Mindoir. She'd always wondered how bones got tired; now she understand that deep ache of exhaustion that seeped into every aspect of one's body and soul. The exhaustion was worth the prize however as she had defeated the collectors, told the Illusive Man to fuck off and stopped the Shadow Broker. The Batarian relay debacle was a less than stellar moment. If their lives were the price that she had to pay for delaying the reapers, it was sadly worth the cost.

"Commander, you've got an incoming message from Alliance Headquarters." Joker pulled her out of her thoughts.

"I'll take it in my cabin." She responded as she headed up to the first floor cabin. She paused to feed her fish before allowing EDI to queue up the incoming comm. She tapped her fingers on the desk as the tell-tale blue flickered in front of her before the image of Admiral Hackett came into focus.

"Commander Shepard."

"Admiral."

"Earth is calling, Commander." He sounded strangely conflicted by it. "Time to face the music."

"Aye Aye, Sir." She bit back a temptation to offer her true feelings about the whole damn mess.

"Shepard." Hackett spoke after a long silence. "Jane, both Anderson and I have voiced our full support of you and your decisions rather loudly. We trust you."

"Thank you, Sir." She glanced away.

"But?" He prompted after another lengthy silence.

She slowly shook her head. "Nothing, Admiral."

"You have my permission to speak freely, Commander."

"Not without a hell of a lot of whiskey in my system…" She spoke with a grin. "Sir."

Hackett raised an eyebrow. "Noted. Hackett out."

"That was…odd." Shepard stared at the now dark terminal. "I need a drink."


	2. Chapter 2

******I own nothing. Bioware owns all. Bastards.**

******Enjoy. Be kind, rewind..or review rather. **

Chapter 2

Shepard's ears were still ringing. The Alliance council meeting had ended three hours ago, and her damn ears were still ringing. She was an Alliance officer with an impeccable career up to this point. In the course of one afternoon, that impeccable career had been completely erased. It had left a bitter taste in her mouth. Once Lt. Vega had escorted her back to the brig, she had respectfully requested that the door be sealed and that the entire Alliance take a long walk on a very short pier.

She stared at the plate of food that had been left for her. The idea of food made her stomach churn. She couldn't focus, all she could hear were the accusations that the panel had shot at her like bullets. She was amazed that she was still standing at this point. The panel hadn't been interested in her reports of the reapers. They were just interested in stopping the possibility of the war with the Batarians and Shepard was the perfect scapegoat for it.

Her fists clenched around the tray of food. Smug bastards. What the hell would they have done in her position? What the hell was she supposed to do, let the reapers arrive? She held the try tighter. With an angry curse, she tossed the whole tray across the room. It shattered against the door. to soothe her growing rage at the world in general.

"Fucking bastards." She slammed her fist into the wall, over and over, completely shredding her knuckles. Finally, she was spent and leaned back against the wall, sliding down to the floor with her head in her bloody hands.

Two hours later, she was still in the same spot. The blood on her knuckles had dried. She was completely lost in her own thoughts. So lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the buzz at the door, it went off multiple times and was then followed by several knocks. The knocks where followed by a very annoyed "open the damn door, Commander" request. Finally, her visitor overrode the security lock and Admiral Hackett stepped over the broken plate into the now dark room. He turned on the lights, and then set a bottle of whiskey on the table. He looked around for Shepard stopping short when he found her on the ground. He squatted beside her, taking her bloody hands into his own to assess exactly how much damage she had inflicted upon herself.

"Admiral."

With a sigh, Hackett applied medi-gel to her knuckles, then lifted her off the floor and led her over to the nearby couch. Once she was seated, he went back to pour her a glass of whiskey. She took the glass and downed the amber liqueur in one swig. It burned all the way down her throat, and she clenched her teeth to keep from coughing. The liquid burned and numbed some of the pain in her heart. He filled her glass for a second time.

"Why are you here, sir?" She asked while watching him over the edge of the glass.

"Lt. Vega was.." he paused as he searched for the right word. "..concerned."

"I'm fine." She muttered into the glass.

"So the plate was asking for it?" He pointed to the mess on the floor. "And your knuckles had it coming, as well?"

"Bite me," She glared at him. "Sir."

"Tempting, but no." Hackett sipped his own glass of whiskey. "I'm getting you out of the brig for a day or two. I think you need some fresh air."

"Why?" Shepard looked at him with dull, haunted eyes. "Why bother?"

He set his glass on the table. "Because this mess started with a personal favor to me, because you are a damn fine soldier who deserves better."

"Well…it's an answer," she shrugged.

"It's half of an answer," he grabbed the bottle of whiskey. "Are you coming, Shepard?"

"Aye Aye."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**Thanks for all the favorites and alerts. It's nice to know that I am not the only one completely obsessed with Hackett. I think I've replayed his end speech in ME3 too many times to count.**

**This is a little bit of a filler chapter in a way; things won't heat up until after Shepard is back on the Normandy. **

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Shepard lounged on the Admiral's balcony with her feet kicked up on the rail. She was sipping on more of the amazing whiskey while trying desperately not to eavesdrop on the Admiral's conversation with Anderson. She was failing miserably however and their voices continued to rise as the conversation shifted from the status of the fleet to the status of her trial and potential court martial.

"Damn it, Hackett." Anderson's voice drifted out to her. "This is not a damn game. This is her career."

"I am aware of that, Admiral Anderson." Hackett sounded weary of the conversation. "It was necessary."

"Necessary? Necessary!"

"Enough," Hackett cut him off. "Enough. Shepard isn't a child. Nor did I railroad her into the Aratoht mission. The dangers of flying into Batarian Space and infiltrating a prison were crystal clear to all involved. There were no orders given at any point in time."

"As if she could or would say no to a request from Admiral Hackett!" Anderson ground out the words.

"I am not sure that I care for the implication of that statement, Anderson." Hackett retorted, holding a tentative grasp on his temper. "What exactly is your issue here?"

"I was concerned over the toll that the trial might be taking on the Commander. Imagine my surprise however when Lieutenant Vega was the only occupant in the Brig. There was an impressive mess that he was cleaning up. The Lieutenant informed me that you had stopped by earlier and taken Shepard out of HQ." Anderson answered. "What the hell were you thinking? The Council is not going to be pleased that their scapegoat found a way out of the Brig before the trial was even over."

"Sometimes I forget how far that stick up your ass really goes." Hackett's eyes narrowed angrily at Anderson's questioning. "And it seems that you forget that I outrank you, and as Fleet Admiral, I highly recommend that you watch your tone."

"Are you seriously pulling rank on me, sir?" Anderson sounded stunned.

Hackett disconnected without bothering to respond. "Huh, Moreau's right. That is very satisfying."

"I should head back." Shepard remarked from the balcony doorway. "This won't do much for trying to prove to the Alliance that I am truly sorry for what I've done."

"You deserve a medal, not a trial." Hackett grabbed a glass of whiskey and headed out to the balcony. He leaned on the railing in silence for a moment, then turned back to find Shepard watching him from the doorway. "Anderson is right. I suppose, this problem started with me and unfortunately ended with you."

Shepard folded her arms in front of her. "It was a personal favor, sir. You were right, I could've said no at any point before landing on Aratoht."

"Indeed." He smiled.

"Why did you come to see me this evening?" Shepard asked. His response to Anderson's questioning had puzzled her. There was an intensity to it that seemed out of place.

He shrugged, "The fleets are gathering on my order. Tomorrow morning, I rendezvous with the 3rd and 5th fleets. I cannot…"

Shepard stepped forward, placing a hand on his arm. "You don't owe me an explanation, Admiral."

His gaze moved from hers down to the hand now resting on his arm. He covered it briefly with his own, and then turned away. "Perhaps not, and please, enough with the Admiral and sir references, neither of us are in dress blues at the moment. How are you feeling?"

She joined him at the railing, hopping up onto the railing and letting her feet dangle over the edge. "I can take the hit."

He touched a finger to her cheek, brushing aside a strand of hair. "That was never in question. The things you have endured would stagger the average marine."

"I uhm…" Her voice trailed off as his hand lingered longer than necessary. For the first time, she noticed the way his eyes twinkled beneath the serious façade that her mind associated with the admiral. She cleared her throat then attempted to respond again. "I..don't…you."

He smiled again, though this time, the smile held an edge that she had certainly never seen in his face. "Anderson was right. It's past time that to get you back to the brig."

The ride back to the brig was a haze, as was the conversation that went between Vega and Hackett. The whole evening was a blur that swirled around in her mind. The only firm thought in her mind was the permanent warm spot on her cheek where Hackett's fingers had been.

"Oh, no. No. No. No. No." She pointed to herself in a nearby mirror. "Do not go there. There is no there to go to. Bad idea. "

"You ok, Shepard?" Vega asked from the doorway having finished his conversation with Hackett.

"Go away, Vega." She flopped down on the nearby couch. "Just go away."

"Did the Admiral proposition you or something?" Vega laughed.

She stared at him stunned for a moment, and then grabbed a nearby datapad to fling at his head. "I will impale you with a strand of hair if you don't get the fuck out of here."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**Thanks for all the favorites and alerts. I will admit that I might be bending some of the events in the world of ME3 slightly. In particular, the timeline is getting fudged with just a little bit. Though, in my defense, there is a lot that we don't see in the game lol. **

**Major props to my fabulous beta. - **Luminara Unduli

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Shepard sat at the edge of her bed, head in her hands as she tried to clear the nightmare from her mind. While sleeping in the brig had been damn near impossible, it seemed the comfort of her bed on the Normandy wouldn't provide any more sleep. This was turning into such a cluster-fuck. Anderson was stuck on earth…not stuck, voluntarily staying amidst the chaos of the invasion. Kaidan was in the MedBay clinging to life while they rushed to the Citadel. The Reapers had most definitely arrived. Also, she had clearly fallen into the twilight zone. And she had come out the other side in lust with a man so far out of her league that it was equal parts tragedy and comedy. The ancient Greeks had nothing on her.

"Commander, I've got Admiral Hackett over the QEC for you," Joker interrupted, breaking through her thoughts.

"Forward it up here, Joker." She stood, pulling the N7 hoodie over her tank top before stepping in front of the terminal.

"Shepard?" Hackett flickered in and out before EDI managed to get the signal cleared up. "You reading this?

"More or less," she remarked, "Sir."

"How's the Major doing?" he asked.

"We won't know until we reach the Citadel. Did you forget something in our previous conversation, sir?" she asked more than a little confused.

"Are you ok?"

"Ok?" She shrugged. "I'm as ok as anyone else in the Alliance can be right now."

"I understood that you and the Major were close," Hackett said, sounding just a little uncomfortable.

"Close?" She raised an eyebrow. "Close? Ahh. Scuttlebutt seems to travel further up the ladder than I ever imagined. That was a long time ago sir. It ended right around the time that he decided my loyalties needed to be…questioned."

"Idiot," he muttered.

"Admiral?" She bit back a laugh. "Did you just…"

"Keep me updated on the council meeting and Alenko's condition." He interrupted. "Hackett out."

"I really hate it when he does that." She stared at the now dark terminal.

*Several Hours Later*

The council was the colossal waste of time that she had thought they'd be. The longer their heads were shoved in the sand, the more difficult the upcoming battle with the Reapers would be. The coming storm wouldn't spare any of the council races; it pissed her off that they couldn't put aside their political bullshit to focus on surviving. She had no idea how the hell Anderson had handled the quagmire without losing his mind.

Thoughts of Anderson led her back to that evening which seemed a lifetime ago when Anderson and Hackett had gone head to head over her trial. Anderson had her back; there was no doubt in her mind about that. There was an undercurrent to the conversation that still puzzled her. Even after Hackett had left, Anderson had never once mentioned either the Admiral or that night, neither had Hackett for that matter. Men were an odd sort of species. The beep from her private terminal made her sigh as she wandered over to it.

"Anderson?" Shepard quirked an eyebrow as he came into view. "Are you all right?"

"We're holding our own." He nodded, "Listen, Shepard. I need to tell you something."

"Ok." She frowned at him, well, at his holographic image.

"I..uhm," he stammered to a stop.

She waited for a moment. "Am I supposed to guess what it is?"

He laughed, "No, no. This is damned awkward. I probably shouldn't even be discussing this with you. There are more important things to be concerned about."

"Ok, now you've really got me worried. What the hell is going on, Anderson?" She leaned back against the wall, arms folded across her chest. "I'm guessing this isn't about the reapers or Cerberus."

"No. It's about Admiral Hackett." After another uncomfortable silence, he spoke. "What the hell were you doing at his place during the trial?"

"I was drinking whiskey and stargazing," Shepard stated simply after biting back her initial urge to respond with _none of your damn business_.

Anderson frowned at her. "Drinking whiskey? You were drinking whiskey with Hackett."

She tapped her finger against her arm for a moment. "Yes, I was. Is there a problem, sir?"

"You can cut the sarcasm in your voice, Commander." Anderson appeared to be barely clinging to his temper. "It was highly inappropriate, particularly since he got you into that goddamn mess."

"There's a war on, Admiral. I think it might be more 'appropriate' for us to focus on the enemy, and not whatever your personal agenda is." Shepard had gone beyond sarcastic straight to pissed the fuck off. "I'm not sure what you are trying to imply, but I am confident that I don't or won't like it. For that matter, why the hell do you think it's inappropriate? Are admirals and commanders not allowed to share drinks and war stories? Or is this more to do with the fact that we have different parts of anatomy between our legs?"

"Shepard."

"Oh, it's Shepard now? Not Commander." She spat the words out. "Look, I have always had the greatest respect for you, sir. But I can't pretend to understand why you are questioning not only me but Hackett."

"It's complicated."

"Complicated?"

"The Admiral has always shown a particular interested in your career…in you." Anderson seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "It's…"

"Admiral Anderson." Shepard had heard enough. "I have always had the utmost respect for you, and have looked on you as a mentor throughout my career. With all due respect, sir, I don't believe that this is any of your..."

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Anderson shouted.

Shepard rubbed forehead with the palm of her hand, finally, she looked up. "I am not doing a damn thing, sir. I am busting my ass trying to get support for Earth and playing politics with the council. Enough with dancing around the issue, what the hell are you accusing me of?"

Anderson's eyes narrowed, "Watch your tone, Commander. He risked your career with the Aratoht mission over a woman, doesn't that tell you something?"

"Anderson." She paused, unsure of how to get herself out of the conversation. "I took the Aratoht mission because it was the right thing to do. There was no way to predict that Doctor Kenson was indoctrinated and that I'd have less than an hour to get off the asteroid. It was a doomed from the start and no one could've known that. Admiral Hackett is not a mind reader, nor am I. What exactly should I have done, hmm? Ignore the potential information on the reapers, and just blow of the Admiral's request. Should I have let the Reapers come through the relay and send us all to hell before we had a chance to prepare?"

Anderson sighed. "I know."

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Shepard asked.

"Now you want permission?" He sighed again. "I know that this might be a particularly personal issue. But any involvement with Admiral Hackett on a more personal level could damage your career. There's also the minor issue that he's significantly older than you."

"This is really none of your damn business. I'm a grown ass adult on the front lines of a war with Cerberus and the Reapers. Hell, you are on the front lines of a war with the Reapers. Don't you have better or more important things to worry about? I certainly have better things to do with my time than justify something that isn't even happening to someone else," she remarked angrily, and then disconnected the call. She stood rubbing her eyes with her hand tiredly for a moment while trying to resist the urge to kick something. "Oh fuck me."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**Thanks for all the favorites and alerts. This part of the story happens after the Sur'Kesh & Grissom Academy missions but before any of the Tuchanka missions. I should also mention that I don't hate Alenko but they did make him a whiny little fucker in this one for the first half of ME3. I mean really. **

**Major props to my fabulous beta - **Luminara Unduli

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Shepard collapsed onto the couch in her cabin, kicking off her boots and grabbing one of the nearby datapads. It was a report from Grissom Academy on the Cerberus forces that had almost beat them to the punch, again. She leaned her head back while propping her feet up on the table. It was probably one of her greatest fears that Cerberus would go from a step behind to several steps ahead of them. As nightmare scenarios went, Cerberus winning was definitely at the top of the list. These nightmare scenarios were slowly killing her no matter how hard she tried to ignore them. The moment her eyes closed they unfolded on an endless loop in her mind.

Exhaustion eventually overcame the fears of nightmares and sleep came on quickly. The trend, however, didn't change; the visions came on almost as soon as she drifted off. With a scream, Shepard shot off the couch, flinging the datapad across the room. The force would've shattered either the datapad or the fish tank if a hand hadn't shot out to grab it midair. She looked from the hand to the intruder in her room. Admiral Hackett stood with the datapad in hand and a concerned look on his face.

"You seem rather prone to throwing things," he glanced down at the datapad before tossing it onto the desk and stepping closer to her. "Are you having trouble sleeping, Shepard?"

She shrugged. "Isn't everyone?"

"Indeed. You had a scar there." Hackett touched a finger to her left eyebrow, "Cerberus upgrade?"

She nodded. "Skin grafts, I'm told being spaced tends to be bad for the skin."

"Hmmm," he ran a finger along the now perfect brow. "It was from the fighting on Elysium."

Her breath caught in her throat at the gentle caress. In an effort to hide her intense reaction to the simple touch, she moved away from both his touch and intense gaze. She rambled on about missing her scars and the new ones that the war had given her. To demonstrate her new scars, she pointed to her abdomen and jerked up the hem of her N7 T-shirt. It wasn't until her shirt was up and Hackett had a great view of her entire abdomen that the sheer inappropriateness of the situation dawned on her. She promptly tugged her shirt back down while avoiding the urge to repeatedly slam her forehead into the wall, desk or any nearby hard surface.

On the list of things that she had intended to do today, flashing the Admiral in charge of the Alliance fleets was definitely not one of them. It reminded her of the time that she had accidentally flashed Kaidan on the first Normandy. He'd blushed bright red and run into the wall trying to get out of the room. It had been several days before he could look her in the eyes without blushing. At the time, it had been adorable. Now it just seemed incredibly immature.

Hackett did neither of those things. He closed the distance between them, and then reached down to lift up her shirt again. His right hand held her shirt up just enough to reveal the scars across her abdomen while his left hand traced the largest of the scars. Her breathe caught in her throat with a sharp intake as his rough hand brushed against her skin. She felt the flush of red start at the base of her throat and continue up to her face.

"That's an impressive set of scars, Shepard." He remarked as he let her shirt drop back down.

"You should see the other guy." She joked. "You can't see him actually; we blew him into the atmosphere. Brutes fly impressively high when you hit them with a biotic throw and an explosion at the same time."

He smiled at her, and not for the first time she noticed the attractive way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. "Chakwas does good work; it looks like it happened months ago and not weeks."

"I'd never go into battle without her on the ship. She's a miracle worker." Shepard collapsed back onto the couch with a sigh. "I feel like I could sleep for a month and still feel utterly exhausted. Why are you here, sir?"

He took a seat on the couch beside her. "We had to pick up the biotics from Grissom Academy, so I thought I'd visit you in person."

"Oh." She didn't know how to respond to that, her mind was drawn back to the shouting match that she'd had with Anderson. Though given his prior relationship with Kahlee Sanders, he was a hypocritical bastard.

"Why did Anderson contact you after we had already talked?" Hackett asked pointedly.

Her head spun around so fast that he was surprised she didn't get whiplash. "He had questions about Kahlee Sanders."

"He contacted you before the Grissom Academy rescue," Hackett reminded her. "You're usually a much better liar than that."

"He was asking about the night at your house," she said after a long pause.

"Nosy bastard," Hackett muttered.

Shepard burst out laughing, "I told him that it was none of his business. I also told him there was no business to stick his nose into."

"None?" Hackett picked up her hand, turning it over in his own so he could trace the lines on her palm. "I know that I'm not the only person in this room who felt fire when I touched your cheek that night. And it wasn't the whiskey."

Her mouth opened but no words came out. The last relationship that she'd been in had been more like puppy love with all the shyness and hesitation of a teenage crush. This was a completely different animal all together. Hackett wasn't acting like he was unsure of himself or what her reaction would be. He wasn't prone to hesitation or insecurities. His hand moved from hers to take a hold of her chin gently. There was a twinkle in his eye as he guided her in for a kiss.

"Commander, "Joker interrupted. "I've got Admiral Anderson with an urgent message for you. He said it can't wait."

"Oh fuck me!" Shepard closed her eyes for a brief second while imagining the various ways she could break every bone in Joker's body.

"Eventually," Hackett remarked causing her eyes to fly open.

"Uhm, Commander?" Joker prompted.

Shepard glared at Hackett for a moment before responding. "I'm seriously considering bringing back the concept of keelhauling. Put him through, Joker."

"What did Anderson actually say when you talked?" Hackett's eyes narrowed as they both wandered over to her terminal.

She tried to push him out of view as Anderson's holographic image flickered into sight. She had a moment to ponder the laws of physics and annoyingly immoveable objects masquerading as admirals before Anderson caught a glimpse of the person now sharing the close quarters that made up the office space in her cabin. A quick glance from Hackett to Anderson made Shepard take a step back and to the right out of the line of fire…well, figuratively speaking of course.

"Commander, Admiral," Anderson's tone was anything but approving. "Aren't you supposed to be creating the Crucible, sir?"

"Was there something you needed, Anderson?" Shepard stepped in trying to re-direct the conversation to neutral territory. "Joker said it was urgent."

"I've got a lead on another Cerberus base that you might want to check out. I've forwarded the location to Traynor," he answered, and then after a long pause continued, "I'd like an explanation for why the hell you are in her _private_ cabin, Steven."

Hackett's eyebrow rose practically to his hairline. "You would, would you? Did you fail arithmetic, Anderson? I am fairly certain that the number of ranks between you and I ensure that I don't have to explain a damn thing to you."

"You damn well will explain what the hell you are thinking. There's a war going on, and you choose now to try to assert undue influence on her?" Anderson retorted angrily.

"Undue influence?" Shepard cocked her head to the side. "Undue influence…am I to infer from that you assume I am too weak to say no? Or that he's the type of man that would force his intentions on someone?"

"I uhm…" Anderson's voice trailed off as he reconsidered his choice of words. He spoke again trying a different plan of attack, "it's against regs."

"You don't give a damn about regs, and you know it. I appreciate the gesture of concern, Anderson. But the world might end tomorrow; go find something else to worry about." Shepard remarked before disconnecting the call and turning to find Hackett staring at her thoughtfully. "I…"

"Commander, I've got an emergency call from the Nairobi for Admiral Hackett on hold in the Comm Room." Joker interrupted for the second time.

"Duty calls," Hackett remarked.

Shepard nodded with a sigh and watched him disappear behind the elevator doors. She collapsed into her desk chair with a groan. It might not be possible to keelhaul someone in space, but she might just toss Joker out the airlock and give it whirl anyway. Of course, EDI might frown upon that and she was fairly certain even with the Cerberus upgrades to her body, EDI's robot body could crush her into dust particles. Mordin would of course insist on analyzing the particles, and she'd already sworn to never let him analyze anything relating to her body EVER again, so…no keelhauling.

The number of things that she had learned in a very short time was mind-boggling to say the least. Admiral Hackett clearly returned her irrational feelings of lust on some level. There was the slim possibility that he was simply trying to drive her insane and steal the Normandy. Also, Anderson was suffering from the delusion that he was her father. It was sweet, but annoying nonetheless. Then of course, how could one forget the endless stream of Cerberus labs to raid. Lastly, she'd learned that Joker clearly had a death wish. She was a goddamn space pirate with too many rules and regulations. Pirates probably didn't have pilots interrupting them mid-seduction either. She slowly laid her head on the desk with a sigh. This was going to be a _long_ day.

***Note on Keelhauling: Keelhauling was a very unpleasant punishment onboard ancient ships in the 1800s and beyond, gruesome punishment involving dragging someone under the ship by a chain. **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**A/N: Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**I've gone back and forth on how to write this chapter, might end up doing a one-shot with the other version. This takes place right after the Tuchanka and Citadel missions. **

**A special thanks to my fabulous beta for saving me from the pitfalls of commas - **Luminara Unduli

**Another special thanks to all the reviewers, you help me keep motivated to finish the story and get to the other Hackett/Shepard story ideas that I have.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Hospitals had never been a particular favorite of Shepard's. The sound and smells reminded her too much of painful memories. Thane's life had slipped away before her eyes. He was the second friend in as many days to be lost on her watch to this goddamn war. It was another name to add to the memorial wall on the Normandy. Like the Reapers, the names on that wall had started to haunt her dreams. Mordin had been a particularly painful loss. She'd held out such hope imagining him testing shells on some seashore. Thane had at least gone out as he would've wanted, not simply wasted away from an enemy that he couldn't fight. He died a hero. He had saved the Salarian councilor and given Shepard the time she needed to save the others from Udina.

There were an endless number of people to help, people wanting conversations. Everyone always seemed to want something from her. With all her errands taken care of, she headed towards the elevator and back to the docking bay. Around the corner and through the docking bay doors, she walked straight into the one person that she'd been trying like hell to avoid. The face-off with Alenko had been tense. She was still a little shaken. Shaken and pissed the fuck off; it was another situation where he'd had the gall to question her motives. Regardless of the fact that he had finally backed down, the truth was that Alenko's first reaction was always to second guess her loyalties and judgment.

"Shepard." Alenko stepped in front of her blocking her access to the Normandy, "I…"

"Major," she interrupted. "Did you need something?"

He winced at her tone of voice. "I'm trying to wrap my head around what just happened."

"Which part?" She raised an eyebrow, "the part where I shot Udina or the part where you doubted me for umpteenth time?

"That's not fair, Shepard."

"No, Major, I'll tell you what's not fair." She stormed towards him. "You thinking that you have the right to question my every goddamn move. I am not a traitor to the Alliance. I gave my fucking life for the Alliance. The last thing I need or deserve is the men that had my back second-guessing me. You did it on Horizon, on Mars and today."

"Look, I'm sorry." He stared down at the floor, unable to meet her gaze. "I wondered if I might join you on the Normandy."

"Why? Why the hell would you want to be on the Normandy? And why the bloody hell would I let you?"

"I miss you," he shrugged.

"You _miss _me?" She remarked incredulously. "You miss me. Are you fucking kidding?"

"I love you." He spoke so softly that she barely made out the words.

"Kaidan." She rubbed her head trying to ease what was going to be a massive migraine. "I am glad that I didn't have to shoot you today."

He took a step back. "There's a 'but' missing from the end of that sentence."

She smiled sadly at him. "But, you are not welcome in my life or heart as anything other than a fellow soldier."

"So…the rumors that I've heard are true."

She stepped back at the look on his face. "Oh? What rumors might that be?"

"You and the esteemed Admiral Hackett," his voice was laced with malice. "Are you that desperate for a promotion?"

Her hand shot out and caught him square in the jaw. He was on the ground before either of them quite realized what had happened. She stared down at him for a moment. He slowly pulled himself up and she didn't bother to offer a hand to assist in the process. She was positively shaking with rage and he was practically vibrating with his own anger. For the second time that day, she found herself facing off with Alenko, though this time they weren't armed. The airlock opened to reveal Vega and Garrus. They took one look at the pair before deciding that they needed to intervene quickly. They placed restraining arms around Alenko.

"Let me go! I outrank you." Alenko spat at the them as they held him back.

"Actually, you don't have any authority over me, Alenko." Garrus smirked at him. "Would you like us to toss the trash out of the docking bay, Shepard?"

"Major, I think it would be best for all involved if I declined your kind request to join the Normandy crew. I won't pretend to be sad to see you go. " She stepped around him and onto the Normandy, leaving Garrus and Vega to escort him away from the ship and the Commander.

Shepard spent the next two hours drinking her way through a bottle of Vega's tequila. Then decided to play 'punch the exercise bag' in the armory for a few hours pretending it looked suspiciously like a certain Major…or pendejo to quote Vega. The liquor did nothing to soothe her temper nor dim the memories of Thane's passing. Anger and sadness warred in her mind while she pummeled the bag. Cortez and Vega had wisely decided to give her a wide berth, taking the rest of the crew in the armory with them.

"Incoming message for you, Commander," Joker's voice came over the comm as Shepard pounded away on the bag in the armory.

"Who is it?" she wiped the sweat pouring from her brow.

"Major Alenko." Joker managed to infuse an impressive amount of derision into those two words.

"Not interested." She slammed her fist into the bag again. "Tell him I said that he can go space himself."

"Admiral Hackett is also hailing you." Joker sounded highly amused by the entire situation.

"Send it to my private terminal." Shepard took one last swipe at the bag, before heading up to her quarters. It took a quick glance in the mirror to realize that she wasn't about to make the best impression. She looked like she'd just fought hand to hand with a Yahg. Then again, she was a soldier not a model...or Miranda. Damn perfect bitch, she'd probably take a Yahg down with a single blast and come out the other side looking stunningly beautiful. She stared at the blinking light on her terminal for a few minutes trying to think of a million reasons not to answer the call before finally opening the link, "Admiral."

"Shepard, just thought I'd let you know that Major Alenko has accepted the post that was offered to him on the Crucible team." Hackett informed her. "He also has a rather impressive bruise on his jaw. Any idea where he got it? Or why he has the bruise on his jaw?"

"None."

He waited for her to elaborate, when she didn't he continued. "Rumor has it that you knocked him to the ground. Rumor also suggests that he accused you of trying to sleep your way up the proverbial ladder."

"I'm going to kill Joker and Vega," she muttered with a sigh. "We might have had a slight disagreement after saving the Council from Cerberus."

"Slight? I was surprised to see him actually, thought you'd want him on the Normandy." He remarked.

"I can't have people on my crew that question me. I need people that I trust and that trust me." She sighed. "I'm beyond exhausted. I've lost two good friends to this damn war this week. And I've looked down the barrel of a friend's weapon. Tempting as you are, I'm in no shape to engage in conversation with anyone."

She disconnected before he could respond, and then messaged Joker. "Hold any messages and comm requests until tomorrow. If anyone knocks on my door in the next 24 hours, or I hear any goddamn beeps from my terminal, I swear I'll throw you out the damn airlock."

"Aye aye, Commander."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**A/N: Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**This takes place right after the dreadnought mission. I didn't like how casually they handled the spacewalk. I thought that given the fact that Shepard died being spaced in ME2, it might have been more traumatic. I'm better at building tension than relieving it, so this chapter was particularly hard for me lol.**

**A special thanks to my fabulous beta for saving me from the pitfalls of commas - **Luminara Unduli

**Another special thanks to all the reviewers, you help me keep motivated to finish the story and get to the other Hackett/Shepard story ideas that I have.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Every time her eyes closed, all she could see was the starry sky and the Normandy going up in flames. She could hear the explosion; she could hear Joker screaming her name. Then there was the emptiness, the faint sound of hissing from the leaks in her suit. Her throat felt like it was closing in on itself. She ended up on the shower floor with hot water streaming down her face. The tube falling out from under her had been too close of a call; too much of a reminder of what she considered her ultimate failure. The Collectors had won that battle.

From her spot on the floor, she could see that infernal light on her terminal blinking. Did she have to die to get some fucking peace for once? An hour later and the light was still flashing, there was also an endless knocking at the door. She'd manually locked the door and whoever was banging did not sound amused. The shower had already run out of warm water. She leaned her head back against the wall, letting the water hit her face. It drowned out the sound at the door and the light at the terminal. The sound of falling water filled her ears and silenced everything but her thoughts. She'd learned a long time ago that there was no escaping the torture one's own mind can bring.

By the time someone overrode the door lock, her skin was about as wrinkled as the clothes that she was still wearing. The water was now ice cold and she was shivering uncontrollably. She leaned forward to see who had intruded on her moment of angst. Hackett stepped into view with a concerned look on his face. She leaned her head back against the wall, letting the water obscure him from view. With a sigh, he shed his dress jacket and stepped into the shower. He turned the water off, and then gently reached down to lift her off the floor. With exaggerated care, he removed the wet clothing that clung to her skin, and dried her off with a soft towel. It took all the willpower that he possessed to ignore the beautiful, naked form in his hands. Instead, he carried her to the bed and eased her underneath the covers.

With a guardian watching over her, Shepard slowly drifted into a restless sort of sleep. It had barely been ten minutes when she shot up in bed with a piercing scream. Her hands clawed at her throat as if fighting for air. Her breathe came in short, panicked gasps. Hackett rushed over from the couch to gather her in his arms. He carried her back to the couch and held her tightly in his arms. His right hand gently massaged her back as she trembled violently.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He rested his head against hers. "Joker messaged me in a panic, said you'd locked yourself in the shower. This isn't like you, Jane. What's going on?"

The anger in her eyes faded as she found nothing but concern in his. "The docking tube fell out from under my feet while I was trying to get to the dreadnought. I nearly got spaced…again. What are the odds of someone being spaced twice? I bet Vega knows. Then the fucking Quarians tried to blast us out of the sky. We lost gravity on the dreadnaught. It was like a live action flashback to three years ago."

"Ahh," he held her tightly against his chest. "You know, I remember quite vividly the call form Anderson telling me that the Normandy was gone, that you were gone. Then to have to cover up the real reason for all of it left a rather disgusting taste in my mouth. I hate politics. I hate politicians."

"I died alone." She remarked after a moment, "I woke up alone as well."

"Only good thing Cerberus has ever done," he commented.

"You never questioned my return," she whispered into his chest. "You never once questioned me. Why?"

He seemed to think about this for a moment before finally finding the right words. "Where was the first place you went once Cerberus gave you a crew and a ship?"

"I don't understand."

"You went to visit the crash site, to mourn the lost and to place a memorial. You spent hours hunting through the wreckage for dog tags. I'd wager the entire fleet that you said a benediction over every tag that you found," he explained. "And then what did you do when you found encrypted Cerberus data on a nearby planet? You immediately forwarded it over to me. A Cerberus controlled Shepard wouldn't have spared the time to with old ghosts nor would you send the Alliance anything that might implicate the Illusive Man."

"I…" She was momentarily distracted as she glanced down, "am apparently naked."

"Would you prefer to still be in a cold, wet uniform?"

She took a moment to absorb the situation that she found herself in. Naked in the lap of the head of the entire Alliance fleet, hell, at this point, he was probably the highest ranking Earth officer or official alive. There were no specific rule books to cover this situation, though she was fairly certain they would all indicate this was a bad idea. She remembered Garrus talking about how Turians let off steam before a battle. Maybe that's what she needed, perhaps it would be enough. Or maybe, it would simple leave her wanting more.

"I see your point. You know, I've heard that body heat is the best way to warm up." She ran a finger absently down his chest.

Before he could respond, she shifted in his arms so that she was straddling his lap. Her fingers traced the seams of his undershirt up to the base of his neck. She let them brush against the sides of his neck then across his jawline. With her flingers splayed against either side of his cheeks, she leaned forward to place a kiss softly on his lips. She slid her hands and hips forward, as she rested her forehead against his. He let his hands caress her back sliding down and then back up brushing gently against the sides of her breasts. His lips trailed kisses down her neck. The fingers that had teased were now slowly sliding inward. She inhaled sharply as his rough palms came in contact with her nipples.

"I swear if your pilot interrupts, I'll court-martial his ass," Hackett whispered in her ear, his beard tickling her neck.

His left hand glided slowly along the underside of her breast, before tracing the scares across her abdomen. His hand moved down to her thigh, his fingers teasing the soft flesh on the inside while his right hand continued the delicate torture of her nipple. Shepard huffed in frustration as his fingers moved at a snail's pace up her inner thigh.

"Patience, Jane. I haven't waited all these years to rush the moment," he remarked as his lips brushed against her ear.

"Years? Did you just say years?" She leaned back so that she could look in his eyes. "You've been waiting years to have me naked in your arms."

"Is that a question or a statement?"

Any sarcastic response or coherent thought evaporated as his fingers found their target between her thighs. He found her already wet with anticipation. Shepard's breath caught in her throat as he slid first one then a second finger inside her. She arched up against him, only to have him pulls his fingers back so just the very tips were inside her.

"You sir, are a goddamn bastard," she muttered as her head dropped against his shoulder.

Shepard was not the kind of woman that just waited for good things like orgasm to happen. With a sly grin, she slid back off his legs. Reaching down to grab the hem of his undershirt, it took a quick tug to pull it up and off his body. Her heart was racing has she took a moment to appreciate the semi-dressed man before her. She danced out of his reaching, letting her right hand slowly caress one of her breasts before sliding down her body.

Hackett's eyes darkened as he watched her hand glide down her stomach. The hand never made it between her legs however, as he moved swiftly towards her. Before she could dart away, his left arm slid around her back and tugged her tightly against him. His right hand lifted her up so that her legs wrapped around his waist easily. Her hands rested on either side of his face. They shared a glance before their mouths connected, tongues doing battle as he walked towards her bed.

He tossed her gently back onto the bed. Kicking off his shoes, he took a move to remove the rest of his clothes adding them to the undershirt that she had carelessly discarded earlier. His hands slid up her legs, gentle caressing every inch of flesh as he moved onto the bed. He captured her right nipple in his mouth, teasing it with the tip of his tongue as his fingers again worked their magic on her. He thumb gently brushed against her clit and he was rewarded with a few 'oh my gods' and was once again called a 'goddamn bastard.' When the torture became too much for her to take, she took charge of the moment, flipping them around so that she was straddling him. With a wicked grin, she decided turnabout was fair play as she eased her hips down just barely teasing him.

"Enough with the games." His hands gripped her hips and he flipped them back around so he was on top.

"If you're waiting for an invitation, I left my stationary in my desk," she smirked, raising her hips off the bed just a little.

He leaned down capturing her mouth with his own as he drove himself deep inside her. It had been a damn long time since Shepard had felt anything so damn good, felt anything at all really, if she was honest. Her fingers clung to him as they moved together in the only type of dancing that Shepard displayed any rhythm at all. Her nails dug into his back as they both tumbled over the abyss into climax. Their breathing was just coming back to normal levels when the inevitable happened.

"Commander, I've got an emergency message from Admiral Koris, his ship just crash landed on Rannoch." Joker's voice interrupted what promised to be a very interesting post coital moment.

Shepard buried her face in Hackett's shoulder to smother a laugh. From the deep sigh that she felt more than heard, Hackett was clearly not as amused as she was. He collapsed on his back beside her with one hand obscuring his face from view. He appeared to be muttering a litany of curse words that were too quiet for her to make out. She snickered again while ignoring Joker's second prompting.

"The Quarians tried to send me off to my second fiery death; I think they can wait a fucking minute or two." Shepard spoke once her laughter was under control. "I'll be down momentarily."

"Aye aye."

"And Joker…thanks." She glanced over at Hackett with a smile.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**A/N: Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**This is after Thessia. Again, futzing with what really happened just a little bit. I think this is going to be the second to last chapter. I've got a few Hackett/Shepard one shots though that are demanding to be written.**

**A special thanks to my fabulous beta for saving me from the pitfalls of commas - **Luminara Unduli

**Another special thanks to all the reviewers.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

There were three incoming transmissions over the QEC for her. Shepard had been staring at that goddamn flashing light for a while now. She had answered the Asari Councilor's call when she returned from Thessia. That just left two messages. One was from Anderson, and the other from Hackett. She just didn't have the strength to deal with either of them. Her one greatest fear had come true; Cerberus had finally been one step ahead of her and it had been one that really counted. The Asari home world had fallen to the Reapers and she had not a fucking thing to even make it worth it. The only thing that she had to show for it was yet another near-death experience.

She stormed out of the War Room and passed Traynor who tried desperately to stop her with an emergency message from Hackett. It was like trying to stop a charging Krogan. Traynor ended up on the ground and Shepard was in the elevator heading towards the armory before she could even sit up. Shepard tapped her finger incessantly on the armory floor button while ignoring the prompts from EDI and Joker. The whole intercom system throughout the ship was highly overrated in her opinion.

"Get out," she ordered both Vega and Cortez. When they hesitated, she all but screamed at them. "_Get the FUCK out."_

They exchanged worried glances but finally gave her the privacy that she had demanded. She grabbed the nearest pistol from Vega's weapons table and began firing at a nearby crate. She shot round after round until the forty-eight round clip was empty and the crate had disintegrated into dust. With a guttural roar, she flung the weapon across the room, her anger far from spent.

She sank down to her knees. Fists clenched, she slammed them into the armory floor repeatedly until the knuckles were shredded and bleeding. She was so wrapped up in her rage that the elevator's beep and Vega's concerned inquiry went completely unnoticed. The hand on her shoulder however produced an immediate reaction. Without stopping to think, she spun around and hit the intruder directly in the chest with a biotic throw.

"Oh shit," she cursed as she watched Vega sail across the room into the wall. "Damn it, Vega. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on an angry woman?"

She applied medi-gel to the cut on his head then helped Cortez escort him up to the Med Bay for observation. She ignored the doc's pleas for her to calm down and headed straight to her quarters, to find a fucking blinking light on her private terminal. She walked past the terminal tossing her shirt over it to hide the stupid light. She showered and then dressed in a clean hoodie and cargo pants. With a sigh, she pulled the shirt off the terminal and decided that some things couldn't be put off forever.

"I dislike waiting, Commander." Hackett skipped hello altogether.

"Sorry, sir," she bit back an entirely inappropriate smile, something about the Admiral always made her feel better. And she wasn't quite ready to think about what that meant.

"I understand that there were complications on Thessia. Is that why Lieutenant Vega was escorted to the MedBay? And why you appear to be having trouble with your hands?" His eyes narrowed as she slowly slid her hands behind her back.

"Thessia was an utter fuck up. Kai Leng beat us to the Temple." She ignored his questions for the moment. "Then with a full on Reaper invasion on our hands, there wasn't much to do but retreat. We have a potential lead on Cerberus' next move though, and we're on our way there now."

"And your hands," he prompted for the second time. "Did that happen when Kai Leng tried to blow up the temple? Or was that something that happened in the Armory?"

"Men really do gossip more than women."

"Gossip? I don't really consider the reports that I receive to be gossip." Hackett remarked.

"Lieutenant Vega accidentally stepped in front of a biotic throw. My hands were injured during PT." She responded.

"Commander."

"Admiral."

"Shepard."

"Hackett."

"I am not amused by this, Shepard." Hackett sharp words were ruined by the slight hint of laughter in his voice.

"Mmhmm," she murmured.

"What the hell happened to your hands?" His voice held not hint of amusement.

With a sigh, she glanced down at her bandaged hands. "I had a slight disagreement with the floor in the Armory. The floor won."

"And the Lieutenant?" He asked after she fell silent again.

"He stepped in front of a biotic throw that was meant for someone else."

"Who?"

"Kai Leng." Shepard damn near felt physical pain whenever she had to utter that name.

"You've got to shake this off, Jane," he remarked sympathetically. "I know it pisses you off. I know your soul aches for Thessia, but this war is bigger than any one planet or civilization."

"Aye aye, sir." She gave him a mock salute.

"I find myself in a difficult, complicated position. I have to allow…hell…order you into what are glorified suicide missions if we have any chance at survival. That's part of my job as Fleet Admiral. I use our best assets where they are needed most." He glanced off to the left for a moment, before turning back towards her. "This isn't a one time, one night thing for me. But I need you focused on the Catalyst, focused on bringing Cerberus down. Do not let Kai Leng's win on Thessia destroy your confidence."

"Admiral…" she started, and then her breath hitched in her throat. "Steven…there's a good chance that one of these missions, I'm not going to come back. It's damn near a guarantee. How many times can I stare death in the face and walk away alive? I've got my head in the game. It also means that I've gotta keep my heart so goddamn buried that I'm not even sure if it's even there anymore. Maybe Cerberus made me into the tin-woman."

"Tin-woman?"

She shook her head. "Nevermind. Look, I've got to go, sir. We're heading to Horizon to check out the Sanctuary base to see what's going on there."

"Shep…"

She disconnected the call before he could continue. The defeat on Thessia angered her. It added fuel to the rage that she felt inside. This thing with Hackett was the exact opposite. She needed distance to be the perfect soldier, the perfect weapon against the monsters that haunted her sleep. Love had never had a high priority in her life or career. Relationships always seemed to end right around the time someone showed an interested beyond the second night in bed. Hackett felt different. She didn't have time for different.

"I am so fucked." She smacked herself in the forehead with her hand. "Ow."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**A/N: Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**I was going to make chapter 9 about Sanctuary/Cerberus, but I think that is going to be a one-shot standalone story. This is my take for what should've happened after the Catalyst went boom. Not getting into the end of ME3 controversy, but here's my dream version. Chapter 10 is going to be more of an epilogue. **

**A special thanks to my fabulous beta for saving me from the pitfalls of commas - **Luminara Unduli

**Another special thanks to all the reviewers.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"What the hell do you mean you've lost the connection?" Hackett's hands were clenched tightly around the rails in his war room as they tried desperately to reach either Anderson or Shepard on the Citadel. "Traynor, is the Normandy picking up anything on Shepard?"

"Nothing sir, but the Citadel is…well…you might want to take a look for yourself," Traynor responded.

Hackett raced to a port side viewing window to watch in horror as an explosion seemed to rock the top of the Citadel. A light shot out of the Crucible and within seconds, Reaper ships that had been engaged in fierce battle began to disintegrate instantaneously. Hackett's eyes remained focused on the Citadel as fires seemed to be contained to the central ring.

"Admiral? Commander?" he was yelling over the Comm. "Shepard? Are you there?"

"I'm not getting any readings from Shepard or Anderson, Admiral," Traynor interrupted.

"Traynor, tell Joker to head for the Citadel. We'll need search teams as well as the Medbay to stand by ready for any wounded. There has to be some survivors on the station," he ordered as he headed from the War Room towards the nearest shuttle bay. "I'll lead the search from the Citadel, myself."

An hour later, there were multiple teams of both Alliance and their various allies searching through the rubble. The various arms of the Citadel had remained almost entirely intact and returned to their normal position once the Catalyst had fired. The tower had taken the most damage; it was reminiscent of the damage done during the battle with Sovereign. The team led by Vakarian and Vega had already found the bodies of both Admiral Anderson and The Illusive Man. There was no sign of Shepard anywhere.

"Admiral," Vega called from a far corner of the room they were currently searching. "Admiral, I think you'll want to see this."

Hackett rushed over to where he was standing. He followed Vega's gaze to a pile of debris underneath the main platform where the other two bodies had been found. Vega flashed a light across the area until it caught a faint glint of metal amongst the dark debris. They rushed down and then up over the various mounds of scattered and in some cases, still burning debris. The flash of metal turned out to be of a pair of N7 tags. The melted tags were still attached to the buried body of an Alliance soldier.

"This better be who I think it is," Vega remarked as he began removing piece after piece of debris until body was revealed.

"Oh my god," Hackett knelt beside the battered, bloodied and burned body. The only way he knew it was Shepard was that her name was just barely visible on the dog tags. "Tell Chakwas that she's got a patient coming."

"Spirits!" Garrus exclaimed as he finally joined them. "Is she even alive?"

Vega touched two fingers to her neck to check for a pulse. "Shit."

"Well?" Hackett turned towards him.

"I've got a pulse, faint, but it's there." Vega lifted her up as gently as possible and raced back toward the shuttle with the others following close behind.

*Two Days Later*

Shepard's eyes blinked open, wincing at the brightness of the Medbay. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust and to realize that she was alive. Alive. She hadn't fucking died, should've known not to trust the hallucinations. She had chosen to destroy the Reapers knowing that her death would immediately follow. She must've been on her eighth life at this point. She looked around to see a room full of sleeping people. Chakwas was asleep at her desk. Hackett was asleep in a chair on the opposite side of the room. Garrus appeared to be sleeping standing up while Vega was using one of the empty medbay beds to catch a few moments of rest. The room was filled with friends all clearly waiting for her to wake up.

"I really hate hospitals." She remarked to no one in particular. "They smell funny…or maybe that's just Vega."

The response was as heartwarming as it was comical. The previously quiet room as suddenly filled with chaos. Chakwas was hovering over her checking vital signs and injuries. While the others tried to simultaneously stay out of her way yet get close enough to talk to Shepard.

"Did it work?" Shepard asked after Chakwas was finished. "Did we win?"

"Hell yes, Lola. Whatever you did up there, it worked." Vega's voice boomed and was quickly hushed by the Doctor. "Sorry, Doc."

"Can I have the room?" Hackett asked, and then waited for the room to clear. He turned back towards Shepard once the Medbay doors had closed, his hands clenched tightly around a pair of melted tags. "This is the second time that I've retrieved these for you. The first time was painful, this time it damn near broke me. You really have to stop dying on me."

"I didn't exactly…"

The rest of her sentence was lost against his lips as Hackett rushed forward, pulling her into his arms and telling her with a kiss more than words would ever say. He held her tightly against his chest while trying to avoid the various scrapes and burns on her body. He pressed his lips to her forehead and breathed his first true sigh of relief in months.

"I guess that answers the question of how to tell everyone," Shepard remarked as she noticed the crowd staring with mouths open in shock through the MedBay glass windows.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**A/N: Bioware still owns all, sadly.**

**Thanks to The Watcher4 for the idea that re-inspired me to write again after a few negative comments sapped my creative juices, I promise to do that idea justice in other chapter or one-shot, maybe.**

**A special thanks to my fabulous beta for saving me from the pitfalls of commas - **Luminara Unduli

**Another special thanks to all the reviewers.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Shepard may have regained consciousness after two days of a worrisome comatose state, but consciousness did not mean that she was suddenly mobile and wielding a weapon. There would be long days, weeks and months of rest and physical therapy. Some injuries even the most advanced technology couldn't fix. Shepard hadn't really paid attention to the medical blathering from Chakwas. Her ears had completely shut down at the word 'months.'

News of the victory over the Reapers and Shepard's amazing story of survival had spread through the Alliance and civilians who had survived on Earth like wildfire. The chaos that was created by the well-meaning influx of well-wishers threatened to completely over run the make-shift hospital in London. Hackett had placed Dr. Chakwas in charge of the entire medical system and staff, and her first order of business had been to find a safer, more secure place for Shepard to recover.

The devastation from the Reaper attack had touched every medical facility on Earth and just about every planet across all the races. The search for a better medical center had been complicated until Hackett suggested that perhaps a more mobile solution might work better. Shepard immediately voted for the Normandy. Hackett immediately vetoed that suggestion in favor of having her on the cruiser that served as the base of all Alliance operations as well as the current home of the Council while the Citadel was being repaired. They could control the flood of visitors more effectively from a cruiser. That's what Hackett had claimed at least.

Shepard spent her first three weeks of recovery in peace and quiet. It was enough to drive her completely insane. The doctors kept telling her to take it slow and Hackett apparently agreed. She kept telling them that the calm wouldn't last. She might have nine lives, but none of those lives would ever fit into the category of calm or quiet.

***********In another part of the ship***************

"For the last time Major, I can neither confirm nor deny whether Rear Admiral Shepard is aboard or not. Making your inquiries in person has not changed my response to your question, sir." The young yeoman stood firm in the shuttle doorway.

"Rear Admiral?" Major Kaidan Alenko raised an eyebrow as he pushed the Yeoman out of his way. He stepped off the shuttle and headed towards the elevator. "Since when did she hop up the chain of command?"

"Since she managed to save just about every species alive," Hackett stepped into the shuttle bay. With a sharp nod, he dismissed the yeoman and other crew that had been lingering in the background. He waited as they slowly filed out of the area. Once they were alone, his steely gaze focused on an increasingly uneasy Alenko. "Is there are particular reason that you've abandoned your post, Major? I do hope it's a good one considering the fact that you were handpicked for it."

"I need to see Jane. I need to speak with her." Alenko shifted from one foot to the other. "You can't deny access to her."

Hackett's eyes narrowed. "The bars on my shoulders would seem to indicate that I can indeed deny you or anyone else access to the damn privy if I felt the need. The difference between you and I goes beyond my simply being your superior officer. I don't feel the need to make decisions on behalf of Shepard. The yeoman forwarded your request; Shepard politely declined. I suggest that you leave before I make you leave."

Hackett turned to walk away and before he could fully judge the ramifications of his actions, Alenko slammed his fist square into the center of Hackett's shoulder propelling the Admiral halfway across the room. There was a moment of stunned silence from Hackett as it seemed to take a while to register that the younger man had actually had the audacity to attack him. Alenko took advantage of the surprise to go on the offensive. He threw another punch that Hackett easily side-stepped.

Youth might grant a slight advantage, but experience had taught Hackett patience and the ability to judge an opponent's weaknesses. The Major was expending so much effort throwing punches that he wasn't really paying attention to where his adversary was. For every missed swing, Alenko seemed to lose just a little bit of steam. Hackett bided his time and took advantage of an over swing to knock Alenko to the ground.

"Even Anderson thought you were taking advantage of her, you damn bastard." Alenko's biotic flared as his temper boiled over and drowned out his reasoning while he struggled back to his feet. "I was wrong earlier; she didn't hop up the chain of command. She fucked her way up…"

Before Alenko could finish his sentence, he found himself slammed up against the wall with a surprisingly strong forearm pressed up against his throat. His feet dangled just off the ground as he tried without success to free himself. Hackett's other arm was wrapped around his standard issue pistol. The pistol was firmly lodged against Alenko's right temple. The Admiral waited until the blue shimmering around Alenko faded away. He stepped back letting the smaller man collapse onto the ground. He holstered his pistol as Alenko slowly got to his feet. Their little display had apparently caught the attention of the rest of the crew as Alliance marines rushed in with their weapons drawn. Hackett waved them off.

"Let me give you a little free advice, boy." Hackett moved forward until they were practically nose to nose. "Second guessing Shepard's loyalties and abilities at every turn is the fastest way to get yourself shoved out the nearest airlock."

"Fuck you, Admiral." Alenko spat the words.

"I've never been overly fond of you. There's a weakness in you that was evident from the start. It was Anderson's idea to promote you. The biotics squad needed a leader and he was certain that it would force you to grow up. You are a disgrace to that uniform. You questioned your commanding officer's orders. You questioned the loyalties of the best damn marine that the Alliance has ever seen. That's not the worst of your sins however in my mind. There's something worse than being a weak marine. You turned your back on the person you claimed to love and had the nerve to point a gun at her. You are a weak man. Not really a man, a boy." Hackett turned his back on Alenko as if he wasn't even worth a second glance. "Now get the hell off my ship and out of my sight."

Alenko spluttered into silence as Hackett glanced back at him. He spun on his heels and stormed into his shuttle. Hackett watched until the shuttle had exited the bay and faded from view. There was no denying the satisfaction that had come from dressing down Alenko. It might have been beneath him, but the kick in the ass was long overdue.

********************Several Hours Later****************************

Shepard reclined against an amazing number of pillows while watching a vid that had been snuck into her by sources that would remain unnamed even under the severest torture. If laughing hadn't hurt so much, she would've been rolling on the floor with it as Hackett basically ordered Kaidan to man-the-fuck up. There was something incredibly sexy about the whole thing and damn the doctors with their rest and recuperate bullshit. She'd spent the last couple years living like a fucking nun with the weight of the world on her shoulders, and now that the weight was gone, she had to refrain from any form of physical exertion pleasurable or otherwise. Bastards.

"Are we enjoying the show?"

"I was wondering where you were." She glanced up to see the object of her desire leaning against the now open doorframe. She slid the omni-tool under the pillow and smiled innocently. "What show?"

"There are many, _many_ wonderful traits that come naturally to you that I admire and love. Innocence is not one of them." He leaned down to place gentle kiss on her lips, and then skillfully ducked away from the bandaged arms that reached for her. He fluffed the pillows behind her gently before taking a seat on a nearby chair. He chuckled at the deep sigh that seemed to come from somewhere down near her toes. "Alenko is a fool."

"I see that didn't stop him from getting the drop on you." She grinned at him.

He raised an eyebrow in response. "I believe the end of a battle is more important than the first volley."

"Thank you," she paused lost in thought for a moment or two before turning to meet his gaze, laughter completely gone from her eyes. "He won't be the only one to question my promotion and our relationship. Once the initial feelings towards my success have faded, once the memories of the Reapers have drifted into distant nightmares, the questions will start about my abilities and why I was promoted."

He rubbed his hand absently along his chin as watching her thoughtfully for a while. "I didn't recommend you for promotion, you know. I didn't even sign the paperwork for this one."

Shepard head shot up at that admission. "_What_?"

He smiled then, a full smile that caused the lines around his eyes to crinkle in a way that always pulled at Shepard's heart just a little bit. "It would've been a conflict of interest. I recused myself from the decision entirely on the grounds that I was fairly certain that I had fallen for the officer in question. The surviving members of the Alliance command voted on the promotion."

"Oh."

Hackett stood then, moving to the bed before she could voice any further concerns. His hand cupped her chin as he leaned down for a more satisfying kiss. His lips moved gently against hers before he could get any further a beep signaled the door was opening. With a wink, he was up and gone as her doctors stepped into the room for her afternoon therapy session.

"Bastard," Shepard muttered with a sigh as her fingers rested lightly against her lips. This getting better thing was going to be the death of her.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:**

**I'm putting this on hiatus for a while. I'm working on another version of the Hackett/Fem Shep love story: The Long Slow Burn. So I'm having trouble focusing on an epilogue for this one. Feel free to check out my other story though. **


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